I was born with glaucoma, said to be the youngest baby in the world at the time they have glaucoma surgery.
At 16 as I had both eyes operated on with success but was told at a follow up appointment that there was no cure and I should learn braille to be prepared for might be my future.
The anxiety and the fear was overwhelming
I had no skill sets and no one speaking into my life. I had no one speaking into my life on how to deal with the made up stories and negative voices that would not allow me to stay in the present and enjoying the visual experiences that I was having. Instead I turned to alcohol and drugs to deal with the anxiety and the overwhelming fear.
Who would love me if I went blind? What would I do for a living if I went blind? I said the words out loud in an attempt calm myself. Well, if I go blind I’ll just kill myself.”
Our story is your story
Then it happened, I do not have time to tell you the whole story in this medium but it an amazing transformation happened in my life. I had been yelling at God if he were real why did my life suck and why doesn’t he help me. As pin and needles ran through my body on November 3rd 1983 I can not deny what had happened. As my desire for alcohol and drugs left me. This past November 3, 2022, I began my 40th year of walking clean and sober without ever touching any alcohol or any drugs again
I found people to listen to on tape like like Dale Carnegie and Tom Hopkins, Zig Ziglar and yes, Tony Robbins actually he was Anthony Robbins at the time, lol im dating my self
I wish that was the end of the story and I lived happily ever after, but is was not.
Although sober and retraining my thinking I still had some trust issues. I was being treated for the physical aspects of my glaucoma, but no one was treating the negative roommate living in my head.
My best way to explain this was to share this memory. I was about 30 years old at a professional baseball game. My date turns to me with a smile and comments that I have big blue eyes. I said thank you with a smile while staring at the field. My mind was running amok.
Helping Blind People
Do I tell this person that I just met that I have glaucoma and could be blind in my future? Would they still want to be in my life? I have an appointment at Wills Eye Hospital next month and what if my pressure is up? What if I need another surgery? What if I lose more vision? My mind took me all the way to being alone on some corner collecting money with dark glasses.
And with the crack of a bat.
As everybody began to cheer, I looked at the scoreboard. I had missed two innings! I realized right then… My eye disease was stealing my NOW!
I vowed never to miss a sighted day worrying about some made up future. I stuck the flag in the ground and I decided that I was going to live in the Power and not in the fear.
I focused on the Word of God and people to listen to on tape like Dale Carnegie , Zig Ziglar and yes, Tony Robbins he was actually Anthony Robbins back then.
I stayed grounded, today we call them coaches but I made sure that I had one hand up and one hand down. I always had a mentor and I spent my time mentoring others that wanted recovery.
I made traveling and burning visual experiences, very important in my life I would visit a place like Thailand and while riding an elephant I would close my eyes like I was already blind and marry the sounds, the smells the wind, the temperature, even the taste in some cases as I would taste the salt in the air near an ocean. I would open my eyes, whisper the words “burn it” and like musical tracks bring these heightened senses into what I seeing. I would meditate and recall the experience that night and then again in the morning.
I started doing this and my mid began to shift from as I shifted from “If I go blind I’ll just kill myself. “ To, if I lose my sight faster than technology can save it, I will always have my vision!”. This was a big shift. Today I can close my eyes and literally be there, the sounds, the smells, feeling the needle like hairs on an elephant I rode in Thailand.
What I will tell you at this juncture is although I was on this personal power journey and felt I was living a purpose driven life because I was helping others who were trying to get sober, I was avoiding blind people like the plague. If I saw someone with dark glasses and a white cane I would avoid them. I still had this sub conscience underlying avoidance going on of fear, as I didn’t want to see what was slowly happening to me.
And btw my eyes are a miracle at this point catching the technology wave and beating all the odds. However in 2013 I had a surgery fail that was meant as preventative and the result was I had lost most of my vision in my left eye.
I of course was not happy but I handled it. My positive attitude and the absents of fear and peace I had was beyond human understanding.
It was exactly like what happened in 1983. Through a series of events I wound up saying a prayer and filled with pins and needles I uttered the words “Ok I’ll do it”
I had no plans to launch lovevision.org in 2014 Young adults that were getting diagnosed with unstoppable eye disease were drinking, taking drugs. Staying in co-dependent relationships as their minds would tell them who is going to love you if you go blind.
Following the prompting of the inner voice I began teaching the “burn it” technique on shared experiences at place like Niagara Falls and the Grand Canyon. We then launched the first blind surfing events in New Jersey 7 years ago to send a message worldwide that if you lose your sight you can still live and incredible life.
Last year we beta launched “Have a Mentor, Be a Mentor” where we connected those being just diagnosed with those who are further along in low vision or blind. We then hooked business coaches up with the mentors who were speaking into the lives of someone just diagnosed. “One up and one hand down”
The results over this past year has shown me that this is bigger than my volunteer group and it is time to bring this out to ask for help. Its so much bigger than me yet I feel I am uniquely qualified to give birth to this vision and mission.
My Date with Destiny has come full circle. Do to my personal appetite to continue to want to be the best version of me, I attended Tony Robbins Date with Destiny. I heard that thre was a study done by Stanford university that those who went through tony’s Date with destiny had results regarding overcoming depression and anxiety that were beyond anything record top this day. If this was true. We need to get those suffering with this diagnoses through the program. With follow up coaching and mentorship from others who have gone blind, how many lives could we save!
It has been a long journey from listening to his cassette tapes decades a go having Anthony telling to me stand up and yell something where ever I was. I remember doing it on a small quiet beach. People must of thought I was nuts.
Now I am doing a karate move at 60 years old yelling I am Fearless over and over. Another one he commanded, I am dedicated again.
After 5 days I realized that there was nothing I could do better than sponsor young adults who were just told they are going blind and put them through the 5 days program verses the 40 years I wandered in the dessert trying to train myself.
I learned a lot of lessons over the years and look forward to sharing those lessons to reach down and help another. Hopefully saving them years of wandering.
As I write this letter I have had Glaucoma 61 years. I still have vision well enough to live a normal life and drive a car. I just passed the eye exam. I was told I would be blind and by 30 and I should take braille. My eye sight has been nothing short of a miracle in my eyes. I believe that gratitude is an action word. I am so grateful and believe gthat I have to give it away to keep it.
Thank you for reading this letter and hope you join us to impact lives we is a powerful word!
Blessings Michael